COACHING BASICS: An Inside Look at a Coaching Session

HI ALL,


We are continuing our third installment in the series on "Coaching Basics".  I'm just sharing with you some of the things which God has taught me related to coaching.  I've learned a lot, and found coaching to be tremendously useful in helping people to take control of their lives and experience success.  


Two weeks ago we looked at the WHY:  "How to know if your church needs a coaching ministry".  Last week, we examined the WHAT:  "What Coaching Is and Is Not".  


Now, I would like to give you an inside look at exactly what one coaching session looks like. I've asked permission of one of my coachees, if I could make anonymous reference to a recent coaching session which we have had.  So he's given me permission to summarize parts of our discussion.


The person being coached is actually in the business world.  As we began the coaching relationship recently, I asked him to fill out the Coaching Agreement form which summarized what he was hoping to achieve through coaching.  This is the Coaching Agreement.  


When he returned it, here's how he answered the two key questions about Focus and Objectives.  His Coaching Focus was related to his career.  He has been working in the same career now since college, and with the same company for 13 years; he is in his mid-forties, and he is thinking about the future.  So he wants to develop a plan to move ahead his career.


His answer to the question on Specific Objectives, included the following:  to refine his personal mission; to demonstrate value to his company, including his immediate boss, as well as the CEO;  to use his time better and more effectively; to be able to present himself as a more decisive person in both his informal conversations as well as his presentations.  

So he had four objectives.  Fortunately, he had already developed a personal mission statement at some point in his life.  But he really had not looked at it seriously for several years.  During our first session then, I asked some clarification questions about his mission.  In trying to understand it better, my questions helped him to examine his mission statement more closely, and see what made sense and what did not.  We discovered in the course of the session, that some of his statements were actually a bit redundant.  So one of the decisions he made was to re-write his personal mission statement between sessions.  By the time we met the second time, he had reduced his personal mission statement from eight separate statements down to four.  These four had a lot of clarity, and real distinctiveness from each other.  


His second objective was to demonstrate value to his company.  This has a lot of elements to it, many of which are not really measurable.  There are elements of general credibility, authority, and experience which are a bit hard to identify, but which absolutely do make a difference in perceived value.  So he began giving thought to these issues.  We realized that part of the perceived value is going to be achieved if he can make forward progress on his fourth objective, which is to communicate with more decisiveness.  So those two are linked to each other.  He also identified that some of the ways in which his job responsibilities are delineated tend to down-play his importance to the company.  Parts of this are related to the specific tasks he is asked to do, some of which have value, and some which do not;  the other part was simply related to his job title.   He realized that other individuals at a similar level in his company have one type of title, while he has a different title.  So besides redefining what he DOES, he wants to have a conversation with his boss in which he also redefines what he is CALLED.


His third objective is related to more effective time use.  During our session, he decided to keep a time log, and track those items which he feels are truly useful, and those which are actually helpful to the company and to him as an employee who wants to be valued.


For his fourth objective, he wants to be able to speak more decisively and boldly.  Because this is more of a top of mind issue, in which he simply needs to aware of when he sounds indecisive, we asked for some help from his wife.  Her job was to let him know, just in the course of day-to-day conversations at home, when she perceived that he was having a hard time making a decision, or sounding indecisive.  By the time we met for our second monthly session, he said that he was already much more aware of his conversational habits.


So, that is just a very brief summary of our one hour coaching session.  We meet via the phone every month, and keep working on his objectives and goals.  So far, he has a more concise mission statement, and he has been developing action steps which are consistent with his long-term career objectives.  


And the key to understand here, is that 90% of the ideas and actions developed during the course of our coaching session, were conceived by the coachee.  I, as the coach, simply helped him to think clearly, plan objectively, and be accountable for his own stated goals and intentions.  He owns his own plans, and executes them, because they are his plans.  That is the power of coaching.


That's all for this week.  Next week we will finish this series on Coaching Basics, by addressing the matter of HOW; how you can begin a coaching ministry in your church.


For Christ and His Kingdom,


Dr. Bill Miller

Handling the Stalled & Dissatisfied in your Church

Hi All,

Willowcreek released their third book in their church analytics series:
Reveal, Follow Me, and now, Focus.

These books are based on an in-depth study they have made of what truly helps people to grow spiritually. Many have equated these along the lines of the "Natural Church Development" series of tests which many churches have taken. The focus is a bit different however. The NCD test focuses on the 8 growth factors for numeric church growth. It's focus is on the 'minimum factors' which must be dealt with or continued numeric growth ceases to happen.

The REVEAL studies on the other hand, are more focused on the individual and what it takes to help them grow spiritually.

Just a quick reminder of the four stages of spiritual growth identified by the Willowcreek study:
1st stage, Exploring
2nd stage, Growing
3rd stage, Close to Christ
4th, Christ-Centered

Two particular problem groups were identified within this growth process: the 'Stalled' and the 'Dissatisfied'.

I want to focus on one part of this which I feel hasn't received enough attention, and that is the reference to people who are classified as "Stalled" and "Dissatisfied" within your congregation. Every church has them and if you do not find a way to minister to their particular spiritual needs, a couple of negative consequences may ensue: First, they may leave your church; especially if they are in the "dissatisfied" category of the spiritual doldrums. Second negative consequence is that they may simply go through the motions but make no further spiritual progress or participation in your congregation. If they are in the "stalled" category and you have done nothing as a church to move them, they might keep coming for the sake of their children or spouse, but as far as their own spiritual life is concerned, they are pretty much done.

You don't want either one of these things to happen to you people, so what can you do?

Here is where the power of coaching comes into play once again. A coach can come alongside someone and help them to listen to God's Holy Spirit guide them out of the spiritual morass they have encountered. Like the Holy Spirit, who is the Counselor, a human coach can help a Christian to listen to their heart and make good decisions concerning the next step in their spiritual growth.

A 'coach' is not a 'teller', but an 'asker'. Unlike an athletic coach, a Christian life coach does not 'tell'; s/he asks powerful questions to help reveal to the person being coached what they are thinking or feeling.

So how does this relate to those who are in the Stalled or Dissatisfied spiritual state?

STALLED - Let's note that those who are Stalled, are stalled in their spiritual growth. Somehow, the particular offerings of the church they are attending has not grabbed them and touched their soul in a way to keep them walking with Jesus. What can be done? Most churches, because they do not practice coaching on a large scale, are not going to catch this. Their church is designed for dealing with hundreds of people at once, and the occasional (or not so occasional) person(s) who don't fit the mold are likely to "fall between the cracks" of their programming. But coaching takes this programming and individualizes the church's care for the flock. By providing the ministry of Christian life coaching, a church can reach out to those who feel stalled in their Christian life, and can offer them some help in the form of guided questions, and loving accountability, and basically, somebody who cares.

DISSATISFIED - those who are in this category still have a growing relationship with Jesus, but they are dissatisfied with some aspects of their church life. What can be done? A Coach can come alongside them and help them find their place in the local church in a spot which is satisfying to their soul, because it matches what they are feeling, and where they need help. The Coach can help them to identify the problem, and locate the actions steps necessary to find a solution. Remember that these people are growing spiritually; they are just dissatisfied with the church experience. A coach can help them to take a pro-active stance at their church life involvement.

Willowcreek has identified the problems that can occur, and I believe that Coaching provides a good solution for many people in these situations.

If you are a Coach, or want to learn more about Coaching, the HighPowerResources.com website has a number of Coaching Resources and information.

God's best to you,

Dr. Bill

Coaching Success Stories

HI All,

Just wanted to share with you three stories from our church in the past year which demonstrate the power and value of Christian coaching, and it's incredible potential to change lives.

First up is Karen, who was receiving some life coaching. She was asked during one coaching session, "What would you do if God granted you the freedom to do anything for Him?" (Great coaching question. For more coaching resources go to: http://www.highpowerresources.com/Coaching/Resources.htm) Karen thought for a long time; an uncomfortably long time of silence, and then a bright smile came across her face. She had remembered a dream she had as a young woman to raise foster children. She had given it up when she had kids of her own. The coach asked, "What's stopping you?" (Another great coaching question.) Answer: "Nothing." And she is pursuing her dream now.

Second story is a ministry coaching success story about Jim. Initially he was helping with a ministry in the church, and was treating it more as a 'favor' for the staff person who had asked him. Then that staff person began to learn coaching skills. The top three rules of coaching are "1. The client does the work. 2. The client does the work. 3. The client does the work." The staff person began to discover Jim's motivations for ministry through coaching questions that get to the heart. Then, instead of the staff person coming up with his own action plans for the ministry and asking Jim to do it, this staff/coach now asked Jim what he wanted to do, and more importantly, how he wanted to do it. Jim began to develop ownership for the ministry. And as he did this, his involvement, commitment and zeal went way up. Jim began recruiting his own team to help him with the ministry. And now it has taken off with a solid team of its own. The staff person no longer needs to oversee every detail of the ministry. He is now there just to encourage and cheer on the team. That is the power of ministry coaching to help people own and grow their own ministries.

Third story is about Angela, who was both being coached as a single mom, and learning to coach others. Angela was a single mom who had been addicted to, and sold meth amphetamines. She accepted Christ and the Holy Spirit began to work in her heart and life. She started being coached and it is helping her to get 'unstuck' in the tricky parts of life, even though it is a little tough right now. A coach is helping her to make the right choices and then stick to them through regular accountability. Plus Angela is learning how to be a coach others. She is helping a young woman to make good choices in her marriage. This second woman is getting hope and encouragement from a Christian coach, who just a few years ago, would have tried to sell her drugs instead of giving her coaching help. That is the power of Holy Spirit empowered coaching to change lives for the better!

For Christ & His Kingdom,

Dr. Bill

Simple Church Synchronicity & Coaching

HI All,

Last week I discussed the problem of how you line up the Simple Church concept of "Focus" (eliminating ministries which are not aimed at your goal), especially in the matter of how you handle announcements. Now I would like to offer a long-term solution to the problem. I say 'long-term' because it takes a long time to turn the ship around if your church has been around for more than seven years. You need to go slow and easy. While it may be difficult to make changes to existing ministries, you have a lot of control over the start of new ministries. And the way you do this is through new ministry coaching.

What is your plan for the start of new ministries? Do you have a guide or a help, or some form of instruction for people who want to start something new? If not, then your church will continue as a free-for-all, with anybody starting anything they want. This will violate all four principles of Simple Church: Clarity, Movement, Alignment & Focus.

Here's two steps you can take to make sure that new ministries, at least, will be in harmony with your Simple Church strategy:

First, create a written guide for new ministries. Whenever anybody wants to start a new ministry, require that they read through and answer the questions in the new ministry guide first. Your new ministry guide needs to teach the principles of Simple Church, and ask the right questions so that your people learn the implications of their ministry before they begin it. Too many people give no consideration or thought to how a new ministry will impact the already existing ministries in the church. For example, they will use space in the building, they will cost money from the budget, they will take time up in the church calendar. And they will ask for notice either through bulletin announcements or up-front announcements. All of these actions impact the other ministries in the church. People need to understand this. So make sure that they learn about all of these implications by completing the "New Ministry Guide" which will teach them Simple Church concepts. Take a look at this New Ministry Guide from HighPowerResources.com.

Second, establish 'new ministry coaches', who walk people through the process of starting a ministry in harmony with your church's philosophy of ministry. These coaches can not only help them start the ministry, but they can be there to help them through the problem solving and other issues which arise. Then at your monthly leadership community meetings of all your ministry team leaders, the coaches can meet with their teams and check in on progress and needs. That way you have a ministry lifestyle system which will help your ministry start well, and also excel.

God's best to you for growth and health in your ministry,

Dr. Bill

THE PREMISE OF CHRISTIAN COACHING

Fellow Christian Coaches,

The Premise of Christian Coaching is this: Not, ‘what do YOU want’, but what does GOD want?

If you are a Christian and if you are a coach, then there are two truths which must intersect your coaching aspirations and guide your coaching with clients: What do they want to achieve? & What is God indicating in their life?

The first question, "What do they want to achieve?" is common for any coach, Christian or secular. Obviously, this is the goal of coaching, to help someone achieve their goals in life and succeed.

But the second question is what separates the Christian Coach from other secular-oriented coaches. You see, there is a third party in the coaching relationship, and that third person is God Himself. God created this person and designated a plan for them from before they were born (Jer. 1:4). And God's indication of what that plan may be is hinted at in their spiritual gifts. How God has gifted someone is the best clue as to where they will excel in life. And so how do you, as a coach, help them to get to that point of seeking God's plan for their life?

And so in my coaching with individuals, one of the early questions asked when they are trying to determine their life mission, is "What are your spiritual gifts?" After all, if you are a Christian then you want to have a life with eternal significance. That means to make an impact on other people's lives for eternity you need the power of God at work through you as you minister to them. Therefore, a person needs to know how God has gifted them to make a difference for eternity. So we are back to the issue of spiritual gifts.

When I help people to discover their spiritual gifts, a couple of resources I use to help them with this process are found here. (This is a link to our church, Crossroads', website which links to two resources: an on-line spiritual gift inventory or a printed copy of a spiritual gift inventory.) After completing either inventory, there is a scoring tool to help you discover your top gifts.

Once your coaches have completed their spiritual gift inventory, the next step is to take them through a ministry inventory. Rick Warren has popularized this with his SHAPE inventory. Or you can download this interview form from HighPowerResources.com here.

This will get you started on helping you to help your coachees discover this key part of Christian coaching, which is "What is God's will for me?"

In His Service,

Dr. Bill