Handling the Stalled & Dissatisfied in your Church

Hi All,

Willowcreek released their third book in their church analytics series:
Reveal, Follow Me, and now, Focus.

These books are based on an in-depth study they have made of what truly helps people to grow spiritually. Many have equated these along the lines of the "Natural Church Development" series of tests which many churches have taken. The focus is a bit different however. The NCD test focuses on the 8 growth factors for numeric church growth. It's focus is on the 'minimum factors' which must be dealt with or continued numeric growth ceases to happen.

The REVEAL studies on the other hand, are more focused on the individual and what it takes to help them grow spiritually.

Just a quick reminder of the four stages of spiritual growth identified by the Willowcreek study:
1st stage, Exploring
2nd stage, Growing
3rd stage, Close to Christ
4th, Christ-Centered

Two particular problem groups were identified within this growth process: the 'Stalled' and the 'Dissatisfied'.

I want to focus on one part of this which I feel hasn't received enough attention, and that is the reference to people who are classified as "Stalled" and "Dissatisfied" within your congregation. Every church has them and if you do not find a way to minister to their particular spiritual needs, a couple of negative consequences may ensue: First, they may leave your church; especially if they are in the "dissatisfied" category of the spiritual doldrums. Second negative consequence is that they may simply go through the motions but make no further spiritual progress or participation in your congregation. If they are in the "stalled" category and you have done nothing as a church to move them, they might keep coming for the sake of their children or spouse, but as far as their own spiritual life is concerned, they are pretty much done.

You don't want either one of these things to happen to you people, so what can you do?

Here is where the power of coaching comes into play once again. A coach can come alongside someone and help them to listen to God's Holy Spirit guide them out of the spiritual morass they have encountered. Like the Holy Spirit, who is the Counselor, a human coach can help a Christian to listen to their heart and make good decisions concerning the next step in their spiritual growth.

A 'coach' is not a 'teller', but an 'asker'. Unlike an athletic coach, a Christian life coach does not 'tell'; s/he asks powerful questions to help reveal to the person being coached what they are thinking or feeling.

So how does this relate to those who are in the Stalled or Dissatisfied spiritual state?

STALLED - Let's note that those who are Stalled, are stalled in their spiritual growth. Somehow, the particular offerings of the church they are attending has not grabbed them and touched their soul in a way to keep them walking with Jesus. What can be done? Most churches, because they do not practice coaching on a large scale, are not going to catch this. Their church is designed for dealing with hundreds of people at once, and the occasional (or not so occasional) person(s) who don't fit the mold are likely to "fall between the cracks" of their programming. But coaching takes this programming and individualizes the church's care for the flock. By providing the ministry of Christian life coaching, a church can reach out to those who feel stalled in their Christian life, and can offer them some help in the form of guided questions, and loving accountability, and basically, somebody who cares.

DISSATISFIED - those who are in this category still have a growing relationship with Jesus, but they are dissatisfied with some aspects of their church life. What can be done? A Coach can come alongside them and help them find their place in the local church in a spot which is satisfying to their soul, because it matches what they are feeling, and where they need help. The Coach can help them to identify the problem, and locate the actions steps necessary to find a solution. Remember that these people are growing spiritually; they are just dissatisfied with the church experience. A coach can help them to take a pro-active stance at their church life involvement.

Willowcreek has identified the problems that can occur, and I believe that Coaching provides a good solution for many people in these situations.

If you are a Coach, or want to learn more about Coaching, the HighPowerResources.com website has a number of Coaching Resources and information.

God's best to you,

Dr. Bill

Leadership Development: Part 4, Supervise

Leadership Development is a four-part process which includes: Recruit, Train, Delegate, & Supervise.

It is critical for churches to practice leadership development because the future of their church depends upon the capacity to add quality, spirit-filled leaders to positions of influence throughout the church.

This final week we are looking at Supervise. Many people will interpret the word 'supervise' to refer to telling other what to do. But if we are truly developing leaders, and not just workers, then another type of supervision must be put in place. Leaders have the capacity to make their own decisions, set their own goals, and execute them. So if the person you have been working on in the previous three stages of this developmental process of Recruit, Train, Delegate is a leader, you need something consistent with who a leader is in this, the final stage, of Supervision.

The way to supervise leaders, I've found, is to exercise my coaching abilities and help them to discover and find their own way through difficulties. Leaders need a coaching form of supervision. I've blogged about coaching quite a bit in this blog, because that is a key area of learning for me in the last several years.

If you want to Supervise your high-powered leaders in your church, you will need to learn how to coach them. (Please do a search on this blog for other articles about 'coaching'. Also we have many free coaching resources here.)

The end result of good coaching, is a stronger leader. If you tell, instead of coaching, what you end up doing is weakening this leader whom you have been working on for so long, and helping them to develop as a leader. Telling them what to do makes them dependent upon you. Once they've done the one task you told them to do, then they have to come running back to you like a lapdog saying, 'OK, I've done that; now what do I do next?' You don't want that. You want people who have their own dreams and goals for a particular ministry, who have enough initiative to make it happen and even invite others to make it happen.

Coaching maintains this internal drive within a leader, not by telling them what to do, but by asking, and coaxing it out of them as to what their dreams and goals are. Then coaching simply consists of helping them to develop action plans to achieve THEIR goals, not YOUR goals. That's a big difference. And that is effective supervision.

So leadership development is a critical need in churches today. Many church leaders just hope and pray that God would send them leaders. But those who know how to raise up leaders through the Recruit, Train, Delegate, and Supervise process, will be able to 'grow their own' in the name of Jesus and for His kingdom. And that makes church leadership really satisfying.

Yours for the Kingdom of Heaven,

Dr. Bill

Leadership Development: Part 3, Delegate

Leadership Development is a four-part process which includes: Recruit, Train, Delegate, & Supervise.

It is critical for churches to practice leadership development because the future of their church depends upon the capacity to add quality, spirit-filled leaders to positions of influence throughout the church.

This week we are talking about the Delegate portion of the leadership development process.

So far we have looked at the first two parts of the leadership development process, which were to Recruit & to Train. Once you have discovered someone who has leadership gifts, and have begun the process of training them, the point comes where they must actually be empowered to do the job; and that is called Delegation.

Delegation is not as easy at it looks. If your goal is to actually develop leaders, and not just lighten your work load, then delegation actually takes some planning and follow-through to do it well. You want the process of raising up leaders in your church to be successful, and you want those up-and-coming leaders to enjoy the experience of leadership development.

There are some common mistakes that many leaders make when they are attempting to delegate a ministry responsibility to someone. If the goal is to develop leaders, then here are Four Mistakes to Avoid When Delegating:

Mistake #1 - Dump & Delete
D & D means that once you hand off a ministry responsibility to someone, you pretty much wash your hands of it, and forget it. You don't want to be bothered by the responsibility anymore, and so you "dump" it onto someone, and then you "delete" it from your brain. As far as you are concerned it is gone for good.

This happens when a leader is short-sighted about what s/he is actually trying to do. If you are just trying to lighten your work load, then Dump and Delete does the trick. But if your goal is to help another Christian brother or sister in your church, to grow and develop as a leader, then D&D is totally unacceptable.

You will need to follow-up and check-in with this person to see how they are progressing. You will want to coach them through any problems and help them to feel successful.

Mistake #2 - Micro-Managing
This is the opposite of the Dump & Delete problem. Micro-managing occurs when the pastor or leader just cannot really let a responsibility go. They don't trust anyone else to do the job quite as good as they do. Their favorite phrase is 'if you want something done well, you have to do it yourself.' Micro-managers are constantly stepping in and tinkering with somebody else's ministry in an effort to 'help them out'.

The problem with micro-managing if you are truly interested in leadership development, is that your up-and-coming leader never has a chance to really learn how to lead by themselves. This robs them of self-confidence and undermines the leadership development process in their lives.

The solution is a willingness to trust people. Pray like crazy to God, and then trust the person as they serve. Check in, and keep an eye on things, but resist the urge to guide every detail. There are many ways to get the job done. Let your new leader discover their own.

Mistake #3 - Reverse Delegation
Reverse delegation occurs when your new leader encounters a problem that they don't feel they can handle alone. So they come back to you as their trainer and describe the problem to you and then ask for help from you. If you at that point say something like, "Here let me help you with that", then they have just handed their job back to you. You gave it to them when you initially delegated the responsibility, and now that they have a problem, they have, in essence, come back to you and handed it back to you and said, 'Here, fix it." That is reverse delegation.

Rather, what you should do when they encounter their first tough problem, is to practice some of your coaching skills (which I have written about quite a bit in this blog). You would respond by asking them to brainstorm some possible solutions to solve this problem. Then after they list a number of potential steps which could be taken, you ask them which one of those they want to try first. After they have selected one, you encourage them, bless them and pray for them, and then let them solve their problem. It is, after all, theirs to solve and not yours since you have delegated the ministry to them.

That is, if you did truly delegate the ministry to them. Which brings us to our fourth and final delegation mistake:

Mistake #4 - Responsibility without Authority
This occurs when someone is given the task and job to accomplish a ministry, but no true authority to make it happen. For example, they are not given financial control of the project; they must come back to someone else anytime they want to spend any money on the project or ministry. Or any significant decisions must be run through some other committee which is not even directly involved in the ministry they are trying to run.

This situation occurs very often in paid staff situations in which a staff member is hired to do a job, but then must report to a committee of volunteers for approval for most ministry actions of significance. Although the staff member is involved in the ministry every day of the week, s/he must get approval for key actions from a group of people who only attend a committee meeting once a month, and then never give a thought to the ministry in-between time.

So, in the process of training up leaders, there are four parts involved: Recruit, Train, Delegate and Supervise. Delegation is an art that requires sensitivity to the needs of the person who is getting trained. It is one part of a big goal to ask God to help raise up more leaders in your church who can serve the church, and God, well.

Next week we will look at the final part of the leadership development process, which is supervision.

Yours for the Kingdom of Heaven,

Dr. Bill

Leadership Development: Part 2, Train

Leadership Development is a four-part process which includes: Recruit, Train, Delegate, & Supervise.

It is critical for churches to practice leadership development because the future of their church depends upon the capacity to add quality, spirit-filled leaders to positions of influence throughout the church.

This week we are talking about the Train portion of the leadership development process.

Many people will automatically equate this with a lot of intellectual content. While that is a necessary part of leadership training, it is not the most important part. Adults, however, learn best by doing. So the focus for adult leadership training, rather than having a classroom, teaching sort of feel to it, needs to be more focused around "Apprentice Systems".

So what are the elements of successful Apprentice Systems:

1. Coaching -- this involves not 'telling' but 'asking'; Where do they feel the need to grow? What do they want to do to learn the leadership skills necessary?, etc. Coaching involves asking powerful questions to help others grow and develop. You can check out other blogs on coaching on this site by entering "coaching" in the search dialogue box in the upper left. I've written quite a few blogs on coaching.

2. ShowHow Training -- this involves the training method explained in 2 Timothy 2:2: "And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others." That is, Paul who was writing this verse to Timothy said, "I taught you; now you teach others, who can teach others." This is called ShowHow training. It goes like this:
Step 1 -- I do it & you watch;
Step 2 -- You do it & I watch;
Step 3 -- You do it & someone else watches

3. Ministry Descriptions for everything
Pastors tend to underestimate the amount of uncertainty and nervousness which the average layperson feels when encountering a new ministry job. For most people, who have not served much in the ministry before (and if you are training leaders, you will be having an increasing number of just those sort of people), they need some specific guidance on what is expected for certain key ministry jobs. That is why you need Ministry Descriptions for everything. HighPowerResources.com has a great template for writing Ministry Descriptions. It's in the Coaching Resources section here.

4. Internal Farm Systems
A ministry culture needs to be developed which has the expectation of "each one teach one"; that each ministry is training leaders for their own ministry. A number of ministries do it this way: they form a leadership team of three people: Chair, Vice-chair, and Past-chair. After the Chair of the ministry has served for a year, they move to the Past-Chair role, so that they are still available to help the Vice-Chair, who has now moved up to the Chair role. Then a new person is added to the Vice-Chair role, and they have a year to watch before they are expected to lead (Show-How Training). And even when they become Chair, they know that the former Chair is always there in case they need help. It's a good systems and results in real strength and longevity for ministry leaders.

5. Ministry Placement Interviews
We use a system at Crossroads with a team we call the "Ministry Way Team". (It ties in to our metaphor for discipleship: Main Street, Community Circle, Ministry Way.) The team serves up spiritual gift inventories, both individually and in our SHAPE class to help people discover their calling. Then a spiritual gifts interviewer meets with them and helps them to discover the best place to use their gifts in ministry. They are armed with Ministry Descriptions, listing the spiritual gifts needed (See sample here), and open positions and contact information. It works.

Training is the second part of the four-part Leadership Development process of Recruit, Train, Delegate, and Supervise.

Next week we will cover Delegate.

Yours for the Kingdom of Heaven,

Dr. Bill

THE PREMISE OF CHRISTIAN COACHING

Fellow Christian Coaches,

The Premise of Christian Coaching is this: Not, ‘what do YOU want’, but what does GOD want?

If you are a Christian and if you are a coach, then there are two truths which must intersect your coaching aspirations and guide your coaching with clients: What do they want to achieve? & What is God indicating in their life?

The first question, "What do they want to achieve?" is common for any coach, Christian or secular. Obviously, this is the goal of coaching, to help someone achieve their goals in life and succeed.

But the second question is what separates the Christian Coach from other secular-oriented coaches. You see, there is a third party in the coaching relationship, and that third person is God Himself. God created this person and designated a plan for them from before they were born (Jer. 1:4). And God's indication of what that plan may be is hinted at in their spiritual gifts. How God has gifted someone is the best clue as to where they will excel in life. And so how do you, as a coach, help them to get to that point of seeking God's plan for their life?

And so in my coaching with individuals, one of the early questions asked when they are trying to determine their life mission, is "What are your spiritual gifts?" After all, if you are a Christian then you want to have a life with eternal significance. That means to make an impact on other people's lives for eternity you need the power of God at work through you as you minister to them. Therefore, a person needs to know how God has gifted them to make a difference for eternity. So we are back to the issue of spiritual gifts.

When I help people to discover their spiritual gifts, a couple of resources I use to help them with this process are found here. (This is a link to our church, Crossroads', website which links to two resources: an on-line spiritual gift inventory or a printed copy of a spiritual gift inventory.) After completing either inventory, there is a scoring tool to help you discover your top gifts.

Once your coaches have completed their spiritual gift inventory, the next step is to take them through a ministry inventory. Rick Warren has popularized this with his SHAPE inventory. Or you can download this interview form from HighPowerResources.com here.

This will get you started on helping you to help your coachees discover this key part of Christian coaching, which is "What is God's will for me?"

In His Service,

Dr. Bill

VARIETIES OF THE COACHING EXPERIENCE

Hi All,

There is something new I am learning in the realm of coaching; something that is obvious when said, but not so obvious when experienced; that is, there are varieties of coaching experiences. Or said another way, not all coaching experiences are equal. I've found that depending on the needs of the individual, the coaching experience will vary widely from person to person, or even from session to session with the same person.

Here is the ideal theory: you walk a person through the 5 R's of Bob Logan's Coachnet.org. Those 5 R's being:
Relate - reconnect relationally and find reason to celebrate
Reflect - help the client to consider where they are at in terms of their mission and goals
Refocus - help the client to consider next action steps needed to take
Resource - help the client to discover and locate any resources which will help them in their endeavors
Recommit - to the selected action steps

But the reality is that many times, depending where a person is at, a large amount of time may be spend in just one of these categories as you help someone make their way through their current dilemma. At the start of a coaching relationship more time may be spend at the Relate session. Or, if you meet w/ someone frequently enough, you may need to only apply a cursory review of the Reflect stage, if they feel they are still on track with their mission. Refocus, Resource, and Recommit will also vary from person to person.

Here is another insight; it is related to the issue of directive or non-directive coaching. Bob Logan's organization has an excellent goal to ask the client to direct the entire coaching process, through non-directive coaching. It is equivalent to always asking, "What do you want to talk about today", and then proceeding forward on that chosen path. This system works really well with highly motivated coachees, such as I often work with in the ministry field; men or women who are highly directed and goal-driven. But what I have been discovering as we branch out our coaching more broadly in the congregation, and begin involving volunteers in the process who are not full-time in ministry, is that they sometime need something a little different from their coaching. They sometimes need a little bit of direction and help. When I begin the coaching sessions with them they will sometimes say that they are quite sure what they want to talk about or work one; they ask me for some guidance. And if I am judicious with my comments, I may be able to get them back on track without interposing my own desires upon them. So, I've begun to prepare a bit for some of these encounters with volunteers who need guidance. I've prepared a "Seven Steps to Life Success" coaching guide [which you can download from my website, under Coaching Resources]. I also sometimes walk them through a mental grid of steps they are taking towards personal growth; the 'personal growth' set of coaching questions. Each of these have been helpful tools to use when people need just a bit of directed coaching.

Coaching is a very personal activity, which needs to be tailored to the needs of the individuals being coached. The recommended systems are all very good, but they are just guides which serve the needs of the coachees.

Just a thought to shine up your coaching...

Dr. Bill Miller

QUALITY COACHING WANTED!

Hi All,

Hey it is tough to develop a high-quality coaching experience on the church-wide level. It takes a lot of advance planning, excellent coordination between ministries, and a system to monitor and continuously develop existing coaches, as well as find new ones. We are making great progress in our church, but it is taking a lot of work.

Here is what we have done & are doing:
1. We received a year's worth of training in coaching from Bob Logan's coaching organization through Coachnet. This included a 3-day seminar in Hollywood, focusing on basic coaching skills, followed by a 3-day seminar in Chicago, focusing on making a movement in our organization, and developing excellence.

2. We spent one year developing our coaching curriculum. We took the things which we learned in Logan's two seminars, and then, under the supervision of one of Logan's Coachnet mentors, we developed an 8-week coaching seminar for our church.

3. Then the three of us each selected two coachees, whom we would train to be coach mentors. We signed them up on Coachnet too. We had them sign up for a two year commitment!

4. We took these trainees through our coach training small group for eight weeks.

5. Meanwhile, they each began finding two coachees, whom they would each work with for six months. These coachees were there to help our Coach Mentors have someone to practice on with their newly developing coaching skills. These Mentors in training, then signed each of their trainees up with Coachnet. (It was free for them as part of the training.)

6. We three pastors who began this process, after having received our own certification as Coach Mentors, continue to meet with each of our Mentors in training, once a month. They in turn, continue meeting with each of their two coachees once a month.

7. We three who are the current coach mentors, meet regularly to monitor the progress of our Mentors in training.

8. We are developing the final half-day seminar, called "Coaching for Excellence" (using Logan's teachings from his seminars). This we will administer this May, as an important part of the Mentors in Training experience.

9. Then each of the Mentors in Training will have to be qualified by the Coachnet organization through use of an on-line evaluation tool, which is completed by their two coachees each.

Then, and only then, we will have our first batch of Coach Mentors successfully trained!
And all of this is under the watchful eye of Logan's organization, Coachnet.
We are extremely lucky and grateful as a church to have them experimenting with the delivery of quality coaching through the local church, so we are being careful to do it right.

Look at how the number grow, and you will begin to see why it is difficult to keep the coaching quality up nice and high:
First, we started with 3 pastors, who all received Coaching Certification.
Second, each pastor found 2 coach mentors, who are in process of being certified.
Third, each Mentor in training, found 2 trainees to practice on.
So, we moved from 3 to 9 to 15 people going through coaching in just a matter of months.
Next year, when we have a total of 6 Coach Mentors, it is going to really start to get tricky to maintain quality.

And Maintaining Quality is the key goal here.
It is relatively easy to get a lot of people into coaching; many churches have tried it. But many have also failed as they let the movement grow faster than their ability to maintain quality. So we are being slow and methodical, and so far are pleased with the results. But we can see that we need to maintain constant communication and set standards continuously in order to continue with an excellent coaching process.

Just thought I would share our progress so far, in case your church is thinking about developing a coaching program.

In Christ, for the Kingdom of Heaven,

Dr. Bill

LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

HI All,

One of the challenges faced by many churches is how to raise up leaders from within one's own congregation. Most churches have no effective, or intentional means to raise up and develop new leaders. Since they have no means to add new leaders, they either need to wait until a new leader comes wandering into their church (not likely, since leaders don't wander), or they will have to settle for sub-par leadership. Therefore their church never achieves the potential it could have, because it doesn't have the leadership horse power to move it forward into effective ministry.

How to deal with this?
There are a couple of factors to consider. The first is a philosophy of ministry issue - do you believe that leadership is a spiritual gift? If you don't, then you are already headed for problems. The Bible teaches us in Romans 12:8 that leadership is a spiritual gift. Many churches say that they believe this, but then have no effective means to place people with that spiritual gift into positions of leadership within the church so that they can exercise their God-given gift.

Here's a test for your church: Once a person becomes a member of your congregation, what is to prevent them from immediately being eligible to be nominated to a leadership position? In most churches, if you are a member, you are automatically eligible to be elected to the highest positions of leadership in the church. If that is your situation, then even though you SAY you believe in the gift of leadership, YOU REALLY DON'T, because you don't practice it.

There needs to be a second stage process for separating out those with the gift of leadership from those who do not have the gift. Find a way to find them and get them together. Do a spiritual gifts inventory, or watch them in action, and then invite them to a separate group just designated for leaders - by invitation only. Watch them, pray with them, work with them and get to know them. Get a farm system in place in your congregation for training and developing leaders.

Then once you have a means to identify those with the gift of leadership, then work that into your church's system of leadership selection. Make some changes so that the only people eligible to be elected to leadership are those who have already been developed. This creates a two-stage development process then: first they must become a member, and then they can become a leader.

Now if you believe that such a system is not fair, because 'everybody's equal in the Body of Christ', then you are more American than Biblical. Because Americans believe in democracy, but Christians believe in the Bible, which states that some have the gift of leadership, and some do not.

Here is what we are currently developing at our church:
1) We have developed a spiritual gifts discovery system so that we can identify and record the spiritual gifts of everybody in the church. From this we can get an initial indication of who may have the gift of leadership.
2) We have developed a leadership 'testdrive' small group for just potential leaders. We invite 8 people to meet with us for 9 months, of Bible studies, meals, videos, coach training, and prayer. By the end of that time, they have grown and developed much in their spiritual life, and we have a much better idea of whom God may be calling into leadership. (If you want to see a copy of the 9-month curriculum, we have developed, feel free to contact me.)

Pastor's of growing churches are actually concerned about two harvests: the evangelistic harvest, and the leadership harvest. We need to keep our eyes on both of them, for the sake of the kingdom, and the church of Jesus Christ.

In Christ's service,
Dr. Bill

LOCAL CHURCH COACHING CERTIFICATION

Crossroads Church , where I serve has just completed development of an 8-week coach certification course, in cooperation with Bob Logan and Coachnet. After sending three of us from staff to Logan's coaching training in both Chicago and Hollywood over the past year, we took that training, retooled it into an 8-week small group experience for the local church (with Logan's permission), and began training local church coaches. Over the next 6 months, those coach mentor's in training will receive one-on-one coaching from the three of us staff pastors who have already received certification. Then after they complete a final half-day seminar in May, they will be ready to coach others at our church.

We are convinced that the program will have a strong impact upon the overall health and well-being of our church. The reason is that, as Logan has often stated, the process of coaching an individual often helps them to be twice as effective as they otherwise would be. As we help people to deal with the individual blockages to their own spiritual growth, we will be on our way to developing quality Christians and future leaders of our church.

We have defined several unique end results from our efforts. The first and primary result will be "Coach Mentors" who will be certified by our church (through Logan's organization) to train other coaches, or just to coach individuals towards spiritual formation. Two other outcomes will be small group and ministry team coaches. A final outcome will be coaches who can assist Christians in a general way towards life coaching or spiritual formation.

We are keeping the numbers intentionally small and the quality high. We have been warned by Bob Logan's organization that the most common mistake for churches is that they try to coach too many people initially, and then they lose the focus on quality. So we have limited ourselves to coaching only two people at a time. So the three of us are coaching six people. By the time this year is over, our church will have 9 certified coaches. We will grow from there, and continue to focus on quality coaching experience for everybody.

I will keep you informed on the progress, but so far it has been very satisfying to see the coaches in training 'get it' and begin to understand how coaching is totally unique from other discipleship plans they may have tried in the past.

God's best to you and your ministry,

Dr. Bill

Confrontation: Speaking the Truth in Love

Most relationships, especially those of a supervisory nature, require a time for confrontation. This is a word that many people have a hard time identifying with. The Scriptures use this phrase which is quite helpful: “Speaking the Truth in Love” (Ephesians 4:15). That is probably the best definition of confrontation one could ever find.

But then the question arises, how do I speak the truth in love? Wayne Cordeiro in his great book The Dream Releasers has some great guidance for confrontation, or speaking the truth in love. (This book is available in the HighPowerResources.com book section "Church Growth books".

Four Principles of Confrontation*:

1. Confrontation must be based on relationship

2. Confront the error, not the one who erred

3. Aim for a win-win result

4. Assure the other person of their value

Let’s break that down:
1. Confrontation must be based on relationship.
That is, you cannot confront (successfully, that is) based on your position. Just because you are the ‘boss’ you may be required to confront, but if you want a successful confrontation (as a Christian), then you need to confront the person based on your personal relationship either with each other, because you care about each other, or because of your relationship with the organization (for most this will be your church), or your relationship with Christ. The person you are confronting may or may not care about you or your feelings, but s/he may be confronted about what their behavior or attitude is doing to either the organization, or to the name of Christ. If they do not care about the reputation of the church or Christ, then you have a whole other issue to deal with.

2. Confront the error, not the one who erred
This means, ‘Don’t get personal!’ Focus on the behavior displayed, not the personality flaws of the person you are confronting. Unhelpful, “You really have a problem with the way you talk to people!” Helpful, “When you speak to people in such a surly tone, it upsets them, and makes you seem unfriendly and uncaring.” Keeping the focus on the behavior helps people respond better to confrontation.

3. Aim for a win-win result
No one wants to feel like they have lost the battle or lost face. Protect their dignity while you are confronting, or speaking the truth in love. Find a way that you can get the behavior that you want, and find a way for them to feel like a success in the process.

Let’s go back to the example of our surly staff person. Maybe after some dialogue, you discover that s/he really wants to be liked by people. You can coach them on how to be more liked by people. You can help this person to speak in gentle tones and to look people in the eye, and to smile, and as a result of that you will soon be able to bring back reports of how much s/he is appreciated for their new tone. You win, by not angering the flock; the staff person wins by earning more appreciation and friends. Win – Win.


4. Assure the other person of their value
This is really the heart of it all. People want to know that they are valuable and appreciated. If the confrontation is done in such a way that the people feel undervalued, then you have over-emphasized the ‘speaking the Truth’ part, and have under-emphasized the ‘speaking in Love’ portion. You need a perfect balance between the two when you confront.

Speak the Truth in Love, and you will help your church, and help your people.

That’s all for now,
Dr. Bill

[*taken from The Dream Releasers, Wayne Cordeiro, 2002]

COACHING: Quality not Quantity

I am usually all for growth in all of its forms, whether it is a larger church, better attended Bible studies, or a greater quantity of small groups in the church. But when it comes to coaching, I have been convinced of the opposite; there is great virtue in starting small and not going for it all in one shot.

Bob Logan, whose organization is helping us to get coaching started in our church has worked with many churches and denominational organizations. And one of his great learnings is that many people try to start coaching in their organization in a big way, and it is almost always a mistake. You must start small and you must achieve quality before you go forward. It is more important that you develop quality coaches, by giving them a top-notch coach training experience, than it is to train a lot of people at once.

Now the natural response of pastors in large churches, is that 'if we start small, it will take forever; do you know how large our church is?'. This is natural, but it is a mistake. Coach training takes time to learn well, and it takes very close and intense learning with a coach who already knows how to do it. It is such a subtle art, that it is too easy to think you've 'got it', when you really don't. Coaching is not like consulting, nor counseling, where you can say whatever is on your mind. The true beauty of coaching is that you are trying to help the coachee to say what is on his or her mind. The Proverbs say that a man's thoughts are deep waters, but a man of wisdom will draw them out. That is the challenge and beauty of coaching. It must be learned well.

So here is what we are doing at our church. We have a church of 750 people, but just three of us received off-site training in coaching. From there, we are developing an in-house coaching experience in our own church. But we are starting with just 7 other people. So, if we are successful in our coaching efforts this year, and we have no attrition, we will have 10 trained coaches at the end of this year. (Our coach training is 9 months long.) So we will have just 10 people out of a church of 750. The goal is quality not quantity. But if you do the math, you can see that if each of these 10 newly trained coaches train two others, that we will begin to develop some good coaching momentum in just a couple of years. And it is very important to keep quality control over the whole experience, or else the coaching movement in your church will break down due to poorly trained coaches.

That is the major goal for us: quality not quantity. We are willing to pay the price, because we believe that if those being coached, experience the true power of coaching in their own lives, and the natural life transformation which is caused by quality coaching, that they themselves will also be more committed to providing a quality coaching experience for others. And if we can touch the lives of God's church in a quality way and bring about life change, the whole church will be stronger and healthier. And that will bring glory to Christ.

In His Service,
Dr. Bill

Christ-Centered Coaching

I just finished reading a book entitled, "Christ-Centered Coaching", and want to share some of what I learned with you.
The sub-title of this book is "7 Benefits for Ministry Leaders", and the book is written by Jane Creswell, who is apparently a very accomplished coach in the business world.

The title of the book enticed me, so I worked through it slowly this summer. Here's what I found:
The definition of Christ-centered coaching is based on this formula: Christ's Vision & Mission + Scriptural Principles + Christ's Presence + High Standards.

After an introduction to the concepts, the book covers each of the 7 benefits which are:
1. Leveraging Your Strengths
2. Clarity & Focus
3. Confidence
4. Learning
5. Intentional Progress
6. Rubs Off on Others
7. God-Sized Goals

What I liked about this book was the emphasis on relying upon God for the coaching process. Creswell says, "Coaching focuses on promoting discovery. 'Christ-centered Coaching' additionally utilizes the power of the Holy Spirit in that discovery process." The book is filled with a lot of Scripture references which tie the topic of each chapter in to the Bible.

Here is how she ties in accountability to Christ-centered coaching: "The goal in coaching is not to make the person being coached accountable to the coach. Rather, the 'Christ-centered coach' helps a person be accountable to himself or herself."
OK, so that's not the tightest connection; I would have expected something like, 'the Christ-centered coach helps the coachee to be accountable to Christ' or something like that. But we understand what she means, right?

This was a good book, but not a great book. It provided a helpful review of many key coaching concepts with the added benefit of tying those principles in to Scripture, and reminding you of the role of Christ and the Holy Spirit in the coaching process. So that was useful.

This book is available on the HighPowerResources.com website, under the Books section.

God bless you in your coaching efforts.

Dr. Bill

What is Good Coaching?

The elements of a good coaching relationship include the following four:

1st - Good coaching is always change-oriented.
That is, good coaching is not counseling; it is not focused on the past. Although it may discuss past behavior or results, the goal is to make appropriate changes for the future so that success can be enjoyed.

2nd - Good coaching focuses upon solving problems, not fixing the person.
That is the focus is problem, not person. Even if the the person being coached is concerned about particular habits which s/he may have which are inhibiting their success, the goal is still on solving a problem. Coaching is objective, not subjective. That is, even if the person being coached wants to be changed, the focus is upon the problem, or habit, that needs to be changed; not the person that needs to be 'fixed'.

3rd - Good coaching always communicates respect.
The coach keeps all sessions confidential. The coach respects the other person's judgements, opinions, and action steps selected. The coach is not there to second-guess the client, but to support, encourage, and offer feedback when asked.

4th - Good coaching is focused on outward, observable performance, not internal feelings.
This is another reason why coaching is not counseling. While feelings are the main issue to deal with in counseling, they are only secondary to coaching in so far as they inhibit performance of specific success behaviors.

If a coach wants to help a client achieve a high-level of success this necessarily requires a focus on specific, observable behaviors which can be recorded, commented upon, and changed.

For positive change is the name of the game in coaching.

God bless,

Dr. Bill

Coaching for Commitment

When you are coaching people, it is your job as the coach to help them develop crystal clarity as to their action plans. If they leave the meeting not quite sure of what they are going to do, the session was (almost) wasted.

Just finished a helpful book called "Coaching for Commitment" by Dennis Kinlaw. He makes this statement, "Ambivalence and confusion are the enemies of commitment" (Kinlaw, p. 11). People need to know what they are going to do before they can commit to it.

So he itemizes four ways to test a person's core values and commitments before the session is over:

1. Talk about the person's core values
It is what a person holds close to their heart which will impact future performance and behavior. What do they really value? That is what will get done. You as the coach want to check if their core values match their stated action plans. They may say that they are going to improve a particular program, but it will not happen unless they hold in high esteem the goals of that ministry or program.

2. Raise Real Problems
Talk about specific situations and ask how they would handle them. This gives you, and them, a better insight as to what is important to them.

3. Discuss Priorities
During your coaching sessions, raising up the issue of priorities, helps to surface internal values, by helping them to talk about what is important to them by comparing options. "Would you do this first, or that first?"

4. When a completed task fails to meet expectations
This is a good time to examine root values which may have led to the less than hoped for results. This is a great time to reveal values.

If a person has crystal clarity about what is important to them, and what are their highest values, or what they will never stand for, or what is the greatest good in their opinion, you will be able to help them fashion action plans which match their values and have the greatest chance of success.

This is one of your roles as a good coach.

Later,

Dr. Bill

Coaching vs. Mentoring

I'm currently in a national seminar on coaching taught by Bob Logan. A great question was asked about the difference between a Mentor and a Coach. In general, here is the difference:
MENTOR - has gone before, and pours in.
COACH - someone who comes alongside, and draws out.

MENTOR - when asked a question will answer it.
COACH - when asked a question, will 'unpack' the thinking of the other person, and reflect that back to them.

The key difference between a Mentor and a Coach, is that a coach practices "discovery listening".
Here are the 3 steps to Discovery Listening:
1. Summarize Periodically
2. Invite to Say More
3. Unpack Fully before giving your input

The best coaches are quite non-directive. They help a person to discover their own values, decide their own action steps, and set their own measurement goals.

Coaching is an incredibly effective tool for multiplying ministry effectiveness. Logan claims that any ministry initiative will be twice as effective if it is coached, rather than not coached.

That's all for now.

More later,

Bill